Never Quite Alive
by Combustspontaneously
Summary: Maybe she had never really been alive. Just an anomaly, never to be repeated. Never quite allowed to live.


She hated it, always hated it – the constant travel, the looking-over-your-shoulder, the villains that never seemed to truly die in some inevitable plot twist, the occasional periods without food - she hated her parents for giving birth to her in the first place, the freak, the monstrosity. She hated what they had let happen to themselves, hated that they trusted the same men that had forced them to hide themselves. Hated that they dragged her down with them, let them take her.

God, she hated the tests they did, the needles and syringes, test tubes filled with god-knows-what, the way they looked at her like a lab specimen, a two headed frog caught in a toxic wasteland, a chunk of flesh, as if she no longer was capable of pain, of _thought, _like she wasn't _human _anymore. Although, she wondered, perhaps they never thought she was human at all. She wondered if she could be considered human in anyone's eyes.

She was a _super, _an abnormality. Violet often heard raucous conversations outside of her cell, a barred room bare of anything resembling furniture, guards who talked freely, almost seemingly unaware that she could hear them, so much so that she often had to look down at herself to see if she had gone invisible. That was impossible of course, with the collars she wore now. Thin humming steel wrapped itself around her neck, tightening by itself when she turned too fast, when she tried to change.

It had been four years since she'd last even seen another human being. She didn't count the guards, the self-proclaimed 'scientists', all of their eyes locked behind visors that looked as if it was the stuff of a badly written sci-fi.

They moved her a lot though, shifting her from place to place, careful to make sure that she was unconscious for all of it, only made aware of the move when she awoke in a different cell.

In some ways, she was grateful. She found that she could no longer stay at the same place for too long, never let her mind wander. Never let herself remember the feel of auburn hair running through her fingertips, of her dad's booming laugh.

She had loved them.

They had betrayed her.

She hated them.

They let them take her.

_They let them take her. _

_Why, mommy?_ She whispered, choking on her own breath, she wanted to move to wipe away the incriminating tears, hide the evidence, hide her thoughts. They held her down.

"_Hush, darling, it will be over soon._"

"_I don't understand…_"

"_It's alright, Vi, they're only going to take a few tests , run a few samples._"

"_But Daddy…_"

"_It's fine, Vi! Just go with the nice man. He won't hurt you. It's the government, love!" He leaned in, his eyes, so blue and shining with childish naivety, peered beseechingly into hers."They're going to take us back, Vi. They're going to let us be us again. We'll be on top of the world!" He had whispered, so excited, so anxious to be the big man on top of the world again. "Why are you being so difficult? Don't you want this for us? For me?"_

She had left, clambered into that stupid car, waved goodbye to her family, slipped into the night. The guards said that they had taken to rest of them too, only weeks later. _The poor bastards never even expected a thing! _The guard had said to the other, laughing.

They killed her father in the first three days. Too troublesome, they murmured, and not enough worth to counteract it. So he was dead. Apparently, he went out still believing that there was some kind of mistake, some big screw up higher up. _"We're supers! What are you doing? Why are we here? We're _supers,_ for God's sake." _

"_Precisely."_

And out he went.

Dash was next. He tried to escape, ran past the guards, slipped out behind a guard leaving duty. Nearly made it out, if what the guards said rang any truth.

"_Good thing for the dogs, huh, Sherman?" _

"_Hah, I'll have to ask him what super tastes like." _They laughed.

Good thing for the dogs.

JackJack was electrocuted to death during one of their versions of a test. Good thing they were able to record what voltage. What a waste it would have been otherwise.

Surprisingly her mother had made it a whole two years before succumbing. Starvation, they said. She wouldn't eat, nothing, not even the knowledge that Violet, Violet who she had handed right over, tied up in a neat little bow, might still be alive could keep her going.

_You meant a lot to me, too, Mommy._

Five years. She had made it five years. Three years after her family was long dead, after everyone had stopped looking, after everyone had stopped asking questions.

She wondered if it was time to let go. She wondered if even Tony spared a thought for her anymore. He sure seemed like he cared when his hand lingered on his waist at the movie theatre, and when he helped her into the seat, and slid into his own, not turning the key. He sure seemed like he gave a damn, when he slid his hand a bit too far past the hem of her dress.

Didn't seem to be even a bit distracted when he whispered her name, when the car rocked, and she cried the whole way home.

But hey. Couldn't blame him, huh? Five years is a long time to look for someone when you had a face and wallet like his.

Kari wouldn't be looking anymore, that's for sure. She didn't miss the way that she had looked at them when Tony took her hand, or kissed her. Didn't miss the way Tony didn't miss an opportunity to help her with the bags, or walk Kari back to her car, taking just a little bit long for just walking out to the parking lot. But hey. Who needs a bed when you have the backseat, right?

She didn't have anyone.

So maybe it was time.

But then again what would that do, dying?

She was already dead.

Maybe she had never really been alive.

Just an anomaly, never to be repeated.

Never allowed to live.


End file.
